On August 1st, LIB reported
and shared photos from the white wedding of a Nigerian Gay man David
Ukre, from Warri, Delta state, who got married to his white partner Eric
T. Shoen in New York, on Saturday July 30th. The post on LIB was to
celebrate their love and freedom in the US. However, slight controversy
arose when some trolls attacked the newly married couple on their social
media accounts.
David’s husband Eric has now opened up in an article for The Huffington Post,
saying they didn’t expect the news to leak and break the Nigerian
Internet, as David’s family members were unaware about his sexuality and
wedding. Read his article below.
We tried very carefully to make sure this wouldn’t happen. Guests were
instructed not to take photos during the ceremony. We were very
particular about who was invited. It was a sad added bonus that most of
the guests from Nigeria cancelled just 24 hours before the ceremony.
On July 30, I married a Nigerian man. Although he is very special to me,
he is not famous. He has never done anything to warrant so much media
coverage. We had a small ceremony under the leaves of some great old
trees on the lawn of an adorable little restaurant. My family and our
closest friends joined us. Our vow exchange was only 30 minutes long.
What followed was a day of love, laughter, joy, eating, sore feet, kids
running circles around the yard, and family and friends celebrating our
day together. We posted only a few photos to our Facebook pages and
asked guests to not post photos or mention our marriage.
That night, we went out dancing to a club with friends who stayed over.
The next morning, we decided to take some friends with us on the first
day of our honeymoon to see Niagara Falls. We were still enjoying every
moment of calling each other husband, taking photos kissing in front of
the falls, getting sprayed at the Cave of the Winds, and accepting well
wishing texts from family and friends.
Monday morning, I woke up early to return the rental car that we had
used for the weekend. When I returned, my husband was pacing and crying,
distraught, pointing to his phone. Somehow, someone had either sold or
given photos from our wedding and first dance to one of Nigeria’s
notorious gossip bloggers, Linda Ikeji who chose to publish them on her
blog. Whether to out David and make a mockery or to somehow use it as
advocacy, no one knows. What we do know is that she had no permission
from either of us to use our photos or story.
My husband calls me “the fixer” for a reason. I felt like I might be
able to fix this before it got out of control. I called my sister who
is an attorney for advice. Given that the information was posted on an
international site, there was little we could do. My friends at Google
and Blog-spot, and attorneys who are friends of mine gave me the same
unfortunate news. Mind you, this is all happening at 6:30 a.m. on a
Monday morning. Friends from all over the USA messaged me as soon as I
posted on my Facebook for some assistance.
I did contact the blogger directly via email and asked that the photos
of our wedding, of our trip with my family, photos of our groomsmen, and
direct quotes from my Facebook page be removed. I quickly locked down
the security on my Facebook which had been relatively open so that I
could use it for advertising and sales. I never heard back from her.
At 7:00 a.m. I got a call from my twin brother, who is my best friend:
J: “Eric, which blog are you talking about?”
Me: “There should only be one”
J: “It’s already on at least a dozen blogs.”
I had to tell David at this point that there was little I could do. At
the same time, his phone and my phone started to heat up with Facebook
messages from strangers condemning us for being gay. His phone started
to ring continuously from unknown Nigerian phone numbers.
I felt lost. I still get a terrible feeling in my stomach just a week
and a half later. I hate being helpless. How could our tiny, personal
wedding in Rochester mean so much to hateful people on the other side of
the planet that they would find us on the internet so they could harass
us?
I worked as fast as I could asking bloggers to remove our photos and
mention of us, but only one complied. By the end of the day, more than
150 sites had blogged about us. They were not saying anything overtly
mean for the most part. The comments, on the other hand, mostly
mentioned the “end of times,” beheading us if we came to Nigeria, asking
God to rain down evil upon us, suggesting that we get anal cancer and
die, calling us devils, and threatening us in various other vulgar ways.
Some people commented positively, but they were in the minority.
David’s groomsmen were also accused of being gay. One of them felt compelled to come out via social media after the pressure.
David’s family was harassed by neighbors and local hooligans. He hadn’t
told his family we were getting married. They were not even aware he was
gay. David’s sister called to make sure we knew that she knew and she
supported us. She relayed that his mom was not admitting anything and
continued to defend David to anyone who bothered her. His other siblings
also messaged us to say that they were being harassed via telephone, in
person, and social media.
You might ask yourself why I would share this story.
You see, I fell in love with an amazing Nigerian man. I knew it was
illegal for him to be gay in his country. I knew it was illegal for his
family to know he was gay and not report him. I never thought that my
tiny little wedding in Rochester, New York to this man would go any
further than between our close friends who were invited and maybe some
of their friends.
David was afraid to come out of the closet to his family for so many
reasons, some of which I recognize in my own coming out story. Telling
my parents was very frightening, painful and tough, but they support me
now. I grew up here, where letting someone know you are gay was tough,
not illegal. Some of David’s reasoning can only be understood by someone
who grew up in Nigeria or a similar country where it is illegal to be
gay.
Why would this be such big news in Nigeria? I believe it is because the
press still wants to vilify gay men and women. They want to show that
the USA is a place that corrupts the morals of children and is a den of
sin an iniquity. The current political election probably isn’t helping
change that impression much. The mere thought of two men getting married
is enough to incite vitriol from all corners of Nigeria, and other
parts of the world still today.
We queer folk still have a lot of fighting to do. We may have
thankfully won marriage equality here on American soil, but until it is
legally safe for our gay, queer, trans, and gender non-conforming
brothers, sisters, and family to live their lives as they wish to be in
all corners of the world, the fight must go on.
Photo Credit: Luke Reynolds Photography
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